We are still planning on getting an rv and traveling eventually. At the moment there are other things going on. I have been doing some soul searching lately and I am finally going through a metamorphosis. I am both excited and frightened by this. I am a Christian, and up until a few months ago i was content with being just that. Then I attended a church that opened my eyes and made me realize that I am not on the same path as most Christians. The church itself was nice, the services were good and the people were friendly. However the entire time we attended it I felt like a fake. It continued to get worse until we stopped attending. So I thought " well maybe it's just that i need a different church", I was wrong. I attended another church that was perfect for me and I still just felt out of place. Again nice church great sermon but it was me not them.
Some background info, I searched like crazy for the right answer when i was a kid. I grew up with two agnostic parents. I love that. I love that my parents raised me and said , believe whatever you want to. I am so happy because it allowed me to find the right path for me. When i was 16 i was saved. And not in the i was standing in front of a huge congregation chanting saved. i was at home alone talking to God about what i should do with my life and who I should be and i asked to be saved. I was completely on my own and people may think this is crazy but I truly FELT God . I felt my salvation take place. I can never deny that fact. I just can't because it was too real and too powerful. Here's what i didn't understand. When I was saved people assumed that I believed the bible to be the infallible word of God , believed in the holy trinity and would follow the ten commandments. For a long long while i went with this.
But as I mentioned earlier things finally changed. I saw the veil slip from my eyes and I finally saw clearly. I DO NOT believe that the bible is infallible. I believe that it was originally God's word but that by time, greed, ego, etc. It does not carry the same gravity or meaning that it did. I do not believe that childbirth should ever be considered a punishment. For me childbirth was the single greatest moment of my life and I am so blessed with my beautiful, intelligent, gentle daughter, Lillian. The pain of labor was excellent , because it allowed my body to work and let my daughter come into the world. Again I simply don't believe that this is in anyway a punishment. I also do not believe that our role as women was a small in the bible as it is now. I simply can not fathom that the God of LOVE would condemn people to hell simply for ignorance of the "correct way".
I do believe in God, I do not believe that God has a gender but I choose to see him as a caring Father. However he could just as easily be seen as a Mother.
I do believe that Jesus was the son of God born in flesh and that through his life and story we can come to know a deeper meaning of God's love.
Honestly though I don't know where this new insight leaves me as far as what I believe? I know that I don't simply want to be someone who has weak faith and skims by. So I have been talking to God about what I need and how I can mature in my faith journey. So I am making a small temple in my house. Now I know some Christians will read this and think idol worship but hear me out. There will be no statues, etc. It will simply be a small room dark with a candle or two lit, and a yoga mat on the floor. Somewhere that I can get away from the world and get on my knees to really talk to God about everything. I haven't felt this much peace about my faith in a long time. I know after much soul searching and prayer that this is where God wants me to be.
Everything else Christian wise, who knows? I certainly don't. I just know that I want to live a life or total love and I want to share love with everyone.
Namaste,
Jessi
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AMEN!!! kinda puts my feelings into words. Been on a weird spiritual path myself recently. New friends through MOPS which is run out of a church and they are all very conservative women, which is so not me. For example extreme modesty when breastfeeding, bc "my breasts for my my husbands eyes only" well not this bitch, let them fly free to feed my child they way nature intended and uninhibited.
ReplyDeleteI was raised Catholic, but my husband is divorced so i have been ex-communicated until he obtains an annulment that we can not afford currently. I don't know where to turn to find a church, i feel like a cheater and repulsed by other churches, mostly due to my catholic brain washing. However i find the most peace and God like experience during yoga. My instructor is Christian and incorporates a lot of biblical lessons in our yoga. Its not "churchy" or preachy just life lessons.
At the end of the day i know that God is in my corner and works through me and for me. In Him i am better, a better human, neighbor, mother, daughet and friend. I guess thats all i can ask. Now how do i pass this on to my child? ahhh now that is a true dilemma. I look forward to hearing more about your journey, keep up the good work.
carissa
Thankyou Carissa. I have prayed about how to raise lil as well and I have decided that I am not going to make her go to church, etc. I am simply going to tell her what I believe, what P believes and tell her the same thing my parents told me. You can believe whatever you want to. I hope that she will find the right path for her. But I know lil and I know she will.
ReplyDeleteHello my friend. You are on the right path for you! Religion is a personal thing. Find what works for you, and it is RIGHT! WE are on the same page with this one. Maybe we should start our own church. :) I'm glad you are finding something that works for you. I say, why can't we all just believe what we want to believe even if it is nothing as long as we treat each other well!
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